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I’ve learned to expect ‘nothing’ from anyone, especially professionals. I have accepted the well meaning, but lacking in any empathy professional and not made a great fuss if they slipped out of my life and did not return. Many to me, are the 'promise all and deliver nothing' peddlers.

As someone who is deep thinking, my take is that I am seen to be of least priority to them and they don’t hang around long enough to discuss or list the needs that I might have. To protect myself and avoid being disappointed,  I have become pragmatic. I have been blatantly blanked by the Police and resigned to none engagement or specifically asking for help. Although it plays its part in the pragmatism,  it  does beg  the question ‘At what point (if any), would you(I) appeal for help’ knowing that previous experiences  of seeking help have not come to anything.

My doctor works on the principle that ‘If I need help, he is there for me’.  I am very troubled with this as I have had more than my share of his support over the last three years. With this uppermost in my mind, I now find it awkward to go to him.

The mental health professionals abandoned me a long time ago and passed me over to MIND (the Mental Health Charity).  My last meeting with MIND was  at my instigation;  October 2015, with them ‘promising’ (maybe promise could be wishful thinking on my part, maybe I miss heard and they were ‘hoping’) to make contact with some details of some positive activities, I might engage in to stop me being so inward - they were going to talk with a colleague and call me the following week. Nothing was never heard back from them.

The police have been around a couple of times just to check I am still alive and cover their backs. Normally this happens after a letter to an agency talking about my life's value. Obviously a difficult interaction with them, in early Novemeber 2015 they sent a less antagonistic PCSO to have a chat and chew the cud to avoid sending a police officer around, with him making considered emphasis to express that he was not a police officer. He agreed to do something for me and he said he would come back the following Tuesday . . . . . I won’t leave you to guess what happened. True to form, nothing! Fobbed off and duped again, by someone in my opinion, 'towing of the party line'.