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In March I was invited to attend the wedding of my nephew, after a long period of considering my attendance (much overcoming my fear of attending a social situation) I managed to stick out the ceremony and reception last  weekend. The plush isolated hotel rooms were paid for by my father; as was the petrol to put in the car. I have suits and ties, so there were no excuses on the surface for me not to attend. Even so, the 'old boy' (my father) needed me to drive him the 100 miles to Romsey and back.

Every wedding (so I understand) seems to be at risk of being an emotional quagmire  but If all goes well and there are no family conflicts that surface,  the union of an individual to another can be a joyous delightfully imbibing time. The wedding of my nephew proved to be a case of harmony within an extended famiy, with only the 'IT Crowd' (my nephews work colleagues) being a little isolated. My extended family is scattered all around the UK and the world and it was the first time we met in over five years.

For me it was one of those 'expected to attend' family events. My anxious thoughts gathered momentum over summer looking for an excuse not to attend. Until mid september, my nephew was blissfuly unaware of my predicamanet and emotional incandesent state (he certainly did not know anything about what had gone on with the Police). I was being pushed to commit my attendance in September, so wrote and told him about things that I was very conscious not to mar the event with a tearful damp squib uncle sat in the corner and no one understanding what was going on. His parents are unaware and I have, thus, not taken the risk of telling all my family.

I had been offered by my doctor some 'diazepan' to take on the day to bring down my anxiety levels. My doctor knows that I am not a great proponent of using chemical stimulants (even legal ones!).

Unlike the old me I avoided talking and just hung around on the periphery of groups, observing. 

The reception became a greater challenge to the ceremony. As we relaxed into the champagne and families started to intermingle, my panic grew, as the toddlers chased around the room and headed my way. I somewhat frooze not wanting any interaction for fear of being accused 'of anything'. This became too great. Finally I abanoned the hotel and went for a walk. Then sat for 3 hours on a bench outside the hotel, in tears, again.